Bay Area Sports: May 2013

May 3, 2013 § Leave a comment

I can spot that frowny face from a mile away. You are sad that the 2012-2013 figure skating season is about to come to a close, and the Winter Olympics figure skating doesn’t happen for another eight months. You still have to turn that frown upside down. A few months after the San Francisco 49ers courteously declined to win the Super Bowl, the rest of the Bay Area professional sports teams are in their winning groove during their respective seasons.

We're relevant again? Pants off, dance off.

We’re relevant, eh? Pants off, dance off.


The San Jose Sharks are currently in the National Hockey League playoffs, nursing a one-game lead over the Vancouver Canucks in their seven-game 1st round series. The toepick-less hockey skating brethren play the second game of the series in Vancouver before the teams fly back to San Jose. Best-case scenario, my favorite violent ice dancers figure out how to navigate around playoff choking hazards and raise the Stanley Cup.

What is a toepick? It’s the “teeth” of the figure skater’s blade, allowing them to not only jump, but potentially do damage to innocent bystanders’ faces in the event that the skater falls.

Patrick Marleau, eh?

Patrick Marleau, eh?


The San Francisco Giants are 16-12, losing a few games they probably should’ve won in April (thanks, Tim Flannery, thanks, Tim Lincecum, thanks Matt Cain). Gerald Demps Buster Posey, the $167 million man followed up his 14-game .214 start with a ten-game hitting streak, which raised his batting average to .291 before going hitless on 5/1 in Arizona. Brandon Belt, he of poor body language and giraffe-like awkwardness, has become a late-inning, pinch-hitting savant and a better hitter as of late, following up his robust 6-for-43 start of the season with timely hits and clutch defense only an awkward giraffe can provide. Pablo Emilio Sandoval is in the best shape of his life.

UAL1806, the only plane strong enough to handle the weight of a championship team, left Phoenix and arrived in San Francisco International in the wee hours of May 2nd. The Giants will prepare for their nine-game homestand against the Dodgers, Phillies, and Braves.

Over in the East Bay, the Oakland Athletics are keeping pace with the Giants at 16-13. The bottom of Josh Reddick’s face occasionally sees daylight.

Pablo Sandoval is slim, eh?

Pablo Sandoval is slim, eh?


Skeptics would probably attribute Golden State’s series win over Denver to things Denver did not do, not things Golden State did. By the powers vested in Stephen Curry’s ankles though, the Golden State Warriors are headed to the second round of the NBA playoffs since 2007, when Baron Davis did dirty things to the 2nd seed Dallas Mavericks and promptly stopped against the Utah Jazz. The Warriors say goodbye to the Denver Nuggets and head to San Antonio. There, the Warriors begin their series with the Spurs at the AT&T Center, where any notion of Golden State fun goes to die.

David Lee tore his other hip flexor tendon when he administered countless rounds of high fives during the Warriors’ Game 6 win over the Nuggets. Coach Mark Jackson is mum about his status. Meanwhile, 3-point specialist Draymond Green did quite well in his first playoff series. I hope Kent Bazemore got a tad more creative with his cheerleading celebrations at the bench over yonder.

But Steph Curry's ankles, eh?

But Steph Curry’s ankles, eh?

American Football

Coach Jim Harbaugh knows that nobody could possibly have it better than us, except for maybe Trent Baalke. The general manager of the team is responsible for drafting playmakers in the 2013 draft, players that will keep the 49ers in position to contend for a championship for awhile. Giving no shot to any other NFC team to compete for a Super Bowl win? Disgustingly selfish of the San Francisco 49ers.

Marcus Lattimore, eh?

Marcus Lattimore, eh?

thefigureskatinglawyer, eh?

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